Dream sequence: Everything is bathed in red. Spark
is running towards a floating Neese. Wagnard appears in front
of him.
Spark:
No! My pedophilic desire for 10 year olds will not go unquenched!
I'll just pull out my symbolic "sword" here…
(Tree roots wrap around Spark)
Spark:
No! Not tentacles! NOT TENTACLES!
Wagnard:
This dream is most illogical, Spark.
(Spark wakes up, and drops his sword. Really. Spark
is surprised to find that he is on a ship.)
APPROACH TO MARMO
Lelia:
The time is almost at hand.
(Slayn appears to not hear a thing she said. Lelia
pokes him.)
Slayn:
Uh? Sorry, I was fantasizing about Deedl… I mean… I
love you.
(The Narrator suffers a massive coronary, Deedlit
takes over his lines while a new one is found)
Deedlit:
The future of Lodoss is finally at hand, and once again the crucial
battle is on Marmo.
Parn:
Ashram! |
Spark:
Neese! |
Narrator:
After my successful triple bypass, Spark and the others land
on the dark island of Marmo to rescue Neese from Wagnard's diabolical
plan.
Leylia:
We're close. I can feel the dark side of the force.
Priest Habb:
We must find the location of the Temple of Kardis.
Leaf:
sniff.. sniff.. There's something wrong about this place.
Leylia:
I just said that. Bitch.
Aldonova:
I dunno to me-
Deedlit:
As if the forest were alive.
Priest GBH:
Well now what would set off an elf's senses.
Mar:
Oooh! Evil Tress!
Priest GBH:
Shut up Mar. (whack)
Spark:
This is dumb! Let's GO! VO:
Oh no it's the Spanish Moss!
Parn:
Hey Spark don't get too far ahead now.
(Moss vines begin to droop around the party.)
Deedlit:
By some amazing coincidence, we have become separated from our
swordsmen. Damn vines.
(Mar is choked by a vine. Nobody
prevents this.)
Mar:
No! NOT THE TENTACLES!
Karla:
I have come to say mysterious things and foreshadow. Balance.
Meddlers. History. Resurrection. Ok, that's enough for now.
Wagnard:
Latin latin latin. Sweat. Mwahhahahahahahah!!!
Garrack:
Well, I haven't got a clue.
Mar:
That's because you're an imbecile Garrack! Ha ha!
(Garrack slaps Mar across the forest.)
(We're skipping the battles. They're really, really
bad. Imagine forwardstrafing, dumb monster weakness, "Manna
of all creation…." typical stuff.)
Deedlit:
Parn! You're back!
Parn:
Give me some sugar, baby.
Wagnard:
Latin latin. I get OFF on facepainting! Yeah!
Auhhhhhh…
Karla:
Stage is set. Thunder. Lodoss. Balance.
(Meanwhile, on the mainland, the United Expeditionary
Force [really, we did not make this up] welcomes the arrival of Valis's Gay Priest soldiers.
Thankfully, Etoh is not present.)
Shiris:
Our dragon-riding forwardstrafing skills will be valuable to
the fight!
Heroes:
Gasp!
Narrator:
From the darkest depths of Marmo, a dragon emerges!
Deedlit:
It's Narse! The ancient dragon who sleeps beneath Marmo!
Mar:
We know! Everyone can read the subtitles!
Deedlit:
Shut up Mar. (whack)
Karla:
For no logical reason, I'm making you defeat this dragon if you
want to stop the Destroyer's resurrection.
